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HUSBAND WANTED!MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),MUST NOT BEAT ME,MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second one day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman and not using a hands or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old girl said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The previous man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the previous guy smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a large broad smile and mentioned, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"37 sex jokesLittle Susie was no longer the most efficient pupil in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the magnificence. One day the instructor known as on her whilst she was once sound asleep, ''Tell me, Susie, who created the universe?'' When Little Susie did not stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated within the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty!'' shouted Susie and the trainer mentioned, ''Very excellent'' and Susie fell again to sleep.
A while later the trainer requested Susie, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Susie did not even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and glued her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Susie and the trainer stated, ''Very good,'' and Susie fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Susie a 3rd query, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third kid?'' And once more, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll damage it in part!''30 Little Susie jokes6 yo momma jokesA woman calls the police to document her husband is lacking. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he is 6 feet 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a grin that makes everyone love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to ensure this record and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 feet 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then is going and asks the woman why she gave the police this sort of false record. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"34 police jokesA guy escapes from jail where he has been for 15 years. He breaks right into a space to look for cash and weapons and reveals a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, whilst tying the girl to the mattress he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then will get up and goes into the bathroom. While he is in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you."29 intercourse jokesNext page Jokes